What Play Therapy Is — and What It Is Not for Children
Many parents come in already tired.
Often, by the time you are reading about play therapy, a lot has already happened.
Maybe someone — a teacher, pediatrician, or another parent — mentioned it in passing. Maybe you finally scheduled an intake after months of debating whether things would improve on their own. Or maybe you found yourself late at night searching for a play therapist in San Jose, hoping to make sense of what is happening at home.
Home life may feel tense in ways it didn’t before. Small moments turn into big reactions. Mornings and bedtime feel like battles. You may find yourself walking on eggshells, wondering what set your child off this time — or worrying about how much they are holding in.
Alongside that worry comes a flood of questions.
Is my child just playing?
Will I be left out of the process?
Is play therapy only for very young kids?
How will I know if this is actually helping?
These concerns make sense when you are trying to do right by your child while managing the stress of daily life at home.
My name is Hannah Ly. I’m a play therapist in San Jose, and I work with children and families who arrive with these exact questions.
From the outside, play therapy can look simple. But when play is used intentionally, within a therapeutic relationship, it becomes something very different.
This article is meant to help you understand what play therapy actually is — and just as importantly, what it is not — so you can decide whether this kind of support feels right for your child and your family.
What Play Therapy Actually Is
Play therapy is a developmentally appropriate form of therapy for children, most often between the ages of three and ten. Instead of relying on conversation alone, it uses play as a child’s primary way of communicating.
In the playroom, children are not asked to explain their feelings or organize their experiences into adult language. They communicate through toys, games, art, movement, and story. This is how children naturally show what they are worried about, what they are trying to make sense of, and what feels overwhelming or confusing.
The therapist’s role is active and intentional. During a session, this includes:
closely observing how a child plays, responds, and relates
tracking emotional themes and patterns that emerge
responding with attunement, empathy, and emotional presence
helping the child feel understood and emotionally safe
Play therapy is not about entertaining a child. It is about creating a space where a child feels deeply seen.
Why Children Ages 3–10 Communicate Through Play
That understanding naturally leads to an important question.
Children in early and middle childhood are still developing the ability to think abstractly and put complex emotional experiences into words. Sitting across from an adult and talking about feelings is often unrealistic and, for many children, ineffective.
Play offers a different way in.
For many children, play therapy may be the only consistent time each week where they are invited into open-ended, expressive play. Many children today are overscheduled, overstimulated, or spending much of their downtime in front of screens. Opportunities for unstructured, relational play can be surprisingly rare.
Play therapy is especially fitting for this age range because:
children are still developing the ability to think abstractly and use words for complex feelings
play allows expression without pressure to explain or perform
games, art, and imaginative activities reveal how a child understands themselves and others
As children grow, play changes form. A five-year-old may use figurines and imaginative stories. A ten-year-old may express themselves through drawing, board games, or competitive play. How a child plays — quitting when they fall behind, bending rules, or struggling with losing — often reflects how they experience themselves and the world around them.
Play therapy works with a child’s developmental stage instead of pushing them to communicate in adult ways before they are ready.
What Play Therapy Is Not
Knowing what play therapy is also means being clear about its limits.
Because play therapy does not resemble adult talk therapy, it is often misunderstood. It can help to be clear — and specific — about what it is not:
Not unstructured babysitting. Play therapy sessions are intentional and relational. The therapist is actively observing how a child engages, responds, and relates, moment by moment. Nothing about the play is random, even when it appears free or imaginative.
Not worksheets, drills, or sit-and-talk sessions. Children are not asked to complete cognitive exercises, follow scripts, or explain their feelings on demand. These approaches often rely on skills children are still developing.
Not behavior management or compliance training. The goal is not to make a child behave better through rewards, consequences, or correction. Behavior is understood as communication. When children feel seen and understood, many challenging behaviors become less necessary.
Not about fixing a child. Play therapy does not assume something is wrong with your child. Progress is not measured by perfection or immediate change.
Not linear or predictable. Growth can look uneven. There may be periods of progress, pauses, or revisiting old themes as children integrate their experiences.
The focus of play therapy is helping children make sense of their experiences in ways that support emotional regulation, resilience, and confidence over time.
How Parents Are Involved and Supported
For many parents, another question naturally follows.
A common fear parents have is being left out of their child’s therapy. In quality play therapy, parents are not bystanders.
Parents are essential members of the team. They hold deep knowledge about their child and their daily life. Regular parent sessions provide space to share observations, discuss patterns, and talk through challenges at home or school.
Ongoing communication helps parents understand what their child is working through and how to support connection outside the playroom. When concerns arise, additional check-ins are part of the process.
The goal is not to turn parents into therapists. Parenting is already demanding. Instead, parents are supported in building confidence, strengthening connection, and responding to behavior with greater understanding.
What Progress in Play Therapy Often Looks Like
Once therapy is underway, parents often wonder how to recognize meaningful change.
Progress in play therapy tends to unfold gradually and looks different for every child. Rather than sudden or dramatic shifts, change often shows up in small, meaningful ways over time.
Early on, parents may notice their child becoming more comfortable separating for sessions, engaging more freely in play, or repeating certain themes as they begin to show what they are working through.
As therapy continues, emotional reactions often become shorter or less intense. Children may recover more quickly after meltdowns or conflict, show fewer moments of shutdown or explosive behavior, and return to cooperation and connection with greater ease.
Over time, families often notice deeper changes: children express feelings more clearly, rely less on confusing or overwhelming behaviors, and show more confidence and flexibility. Parents frequently report feeling steadier and more confident in how they respond.
Families often describe home life as calmer as children feel more understood and parents feel better supported.
Considering Support for Your Child
All of this brings many parents to the same point.
Parenting is hard. Parenting children in today’s world — especially in fast-paced, high-demand environments — is even harder. Children are complex, and no parent catches everything.
Seeking support is often a sign that you are paying close attention to your child’s needs.
If you are looking for a play therapist in San Jose, working with a therapist who specializes in play therapy can offer your child a developmentally appropriate space to express, process, and heal.
As a play therapist, Hannah Ly helps children:
express big feelings safely through play rather than behavior
build emotional awareness and regulation
work through experiences related to trauma, adoption, anxiety, or family transitions
strengthen confidence and resilience
feel more connected at home and at school
Parents often notice outcomes such as fewer emotional outbursts, quicker recovery after conflict, improved communication, and a calmer overall family dynamic.
If you are wondering whether play therapy may be a good fit for your child, you are invited to schedule a free 15-minute consultation to ask questions, share concerns, and explore next steps with a San Jose play therapist.
About the Author - Hannah Ly, Play Therapist in San Jose
Hannah Ly is a play therapist and child therapist in San Jose, specializing in therapy for children, teens, and families. Her work focuses on developmentally appropriate, attachment-centered care that helps children feel emotionally safe, understood, and supported.
Hannah works with children and teens navigating anxiety, big emotions, trauma, adoption-related concerns, family transitions, and school-related stress. She also provides parent coaching, partnering closely with caregivers to help them better understand behavior as communication and strengthen connection at home.
Her approach is relational rather than worksheet-driven, and play-based rather than behavior-focused. As a therapist who specializes exclusively in working with kids and teens, Hannah believes meaningful change happens when children are supported at their developmental level and parents are treated as partners in the process.
Hannah offers play therapy, child therapy, teen therapy, and parent coaching services in San Jose and surrounding areas.
