Is Your Child Struggling? Mental Health Indicators Parents Often Miss
If you’re reading this, you may have noticed patterns in your child’s behavior that are raising concern.
Maybe your child is having big emotional meltdowns that seem to come out of nowhere. Or school reports say they’re “doing fine,” while home feels tense, explosive, or out of control. You may have tried routines, consequences, rewards, or talking it through — without meaningful change.
Many of the families I work with are busy, high‑achieving Silicon Valley parents juggling demanding jobs, school pressure, and complex family dynamics like divorce, co‑parenting, or adoption. Their kids are often capable, bright, and doing their best — until they suddenly blow up.
These situations are often confusing and can feel isolating for parents.
Parents commonly ask:
Is this just a phase?
Am I overreacting?
Do kids really need therapy for this?
This article is intended to address those questions directly and thoughtfully.
Below is a concrete list of mental health indicators I see regularly in my work with children — especially those who are overstressed, overbooked, or navigating big emotional transitions.
For clarity, here’s a simple overview. These concerns often overlap:
Big emotional meltdowns or explosive reactions
Behavior at home or school that feels hard to manage
Difficulty with transitions, change, or moving between homes
You don’t need to see every item for this list to matter. Many families notice one or two at first — and then recognize how connected they really are. If several of these sound familiar, it doesn’t mean something is “wrong” with your child.
It suggests your child may be overwhelmed — and may need more support than talking or discipline alone can provide.
Big Emotional Meltdowns and Explosive Reactions in Children
This is often one of the first concerns parents notice, and one of the most difficult to interpret.
Your child may:
Have intense emotional meltdowns over things that seem small or unexpected
Go from calm to explosive very quickly
Yell, cry, throw objects, hit, or completely shut down
Struggle to calm down once they’re upset
Say afterward that they don’t know why it happened
These reactions differ from typical tantrums. Tantrums are usually tied to a specific want or outcome, whereas meltdowns reflect a loss of emotional control when a child’s system is overwhelmed.
For many children, this pattern is less about external circumstances and more about internal emotional load.
Some children work hard to stay regulated during the day, following rules and managing expectations. Others are navigating stress or change that isn’t obvious to adults. When that internal effort builds with nowhere to go, it can release all at once.
Meltdowns are most common:
After school
At bedtime
During transitions
Around homework or routines
After long days with little downtime
And it’s important to name this: not all kids are holding it together at school.
Some children struggle openly in the classroom with outbursts, shutdowns, or difficulty focusing. Others may be labeled “behavioral” or “difficult.” Whether meltdowns happen at home, at school, or both, the underlying message is often the same: something feels too big to manage alone.
When emotional blowups happen frequently, intensely, or feel out of proportion to the situation, it’s often a sign your child doesn’t yet have the tools to manage what they’re carrying.
This pattern is not best understood as a behavior problem or a reflection of parenting effort.
Many thoughtful, engaged parents see these patterns — even when they’re doing everything they can to support their child.
It often indicates that a child needs support learning how to manage intense emotional responses, rather than additional consequences or explanations.
Behavioral Challenges at Home or School
For some families, the concern isn’t just occasional meltdowns — it’s a pattern of behavior that feels increasingly difficult to manage, respond to, or explain.
You might notice:
Frequent calls, emails, or meetings from school about your child’s behavior
Emotional outbursts, shutdowns, or conflicts with peers in the classroom
Difficulty following directions, staying seated, or transitioning between activities
Power struggles with teachers, caregivers, or authority figures
A child who is often sent to the office, nurse, or support staff
At home, this may look like:
Constant battles over routines or expectations
Aggressive or reactive behavior toward siblings or caregivers
Escalation that feels fast and hard to stop once it starts
A sense that you’re always "on edge," waiting for the next blowup
When schools raise concerns, parents often feel uncertain about how the behavior is being interpreted and worry about judgment or labeling.
What’s important to understand is this: when behavior consistently disrupts learning, relationships, or family life, it’s often a sign that a child is struggling internally — not that they’re choosing to be difficult.
Kids who act out or shut down are often communicating stress, overwhelm, or unmet emotional needs in the only way they know how. They may not have the language, awareness, or regulation skills to express what’s happening underneath.
When big behavior shows up across settings — or creates ongoing stress at home or school — getting the right kind of support can help uncover what’s driving the behavior and give your child safer ways to cope.
Difficulty With Transitions, Divorce, or Co‑Parenting
Many children struggle most when things shift — even when the changes seem manageable to adults.
This is especially common for kids navigating:
Divorce or separation
Co‑parenting schedules
Moving between two homes
Adoption or foster care histories
Changes in caregivers, schools, or routines
You might notice:
Emotional meltdowns before or after transitions
Increased irritability, clinginess, or withdrawal around schedule changes
Regression after time with the other parent or caregiver
Different behavior depending on which home they’re in
A child who seems “fine” one moment and completely unraveled the next
For many children, transitions activate feelings they don’t yet have words for, such as loss, confusion, loyalty conflicts, or fear of disconnection. Even when adults are communicating well, children experience these changes emotionally and physically.
This does not suggest pathology or inherent dysfunction in your child.
Rather, it reflects the significant effort required to adapt to ongoing change.
When transitions consistently lead to big reactions, it can help to have support that’s specifically designed for children. Approaches that meet kids at their developmental level can help them process change without forcing them to talk through things they don’t yet understand.
Supporting kids through transitions isn’t about fixing emotions or making them go away. It’s about helping your child feel safe, grounded, and connected as their world shifts around them.
What All of These Signs Have in Common
At first glance, these concerns may appear unrelated.
One child melts down at home. Another gets in trouble at school. Another seems anxious, withdrawn, or constantly on edge. Some kids act out loudly. Others go quiet.
But underneath, these patterns often point to the same thing:
Your child’s emotional system is under more strain than it can manage on its own.
Children often lack the ability to name stress, loss, or overwhelm directly, so these experiences show up through behavior, emotions, and physical reactions.
That’s why you may see:
Big feelings that feel sudden or extreme
Reactions that don’t match the situation
Behavior that shifts depending on the setting or caregiver
A child who seems capable one moment and completely unraveled the next
These patterns do not indicate parental failure or that a child is fundamentally broken. Rather, they reflect a child’s current capacity for communicating distress through behavior.
When multiple signs show up — especially across different environments or during times of change — it’s often a signal that your child needs support learning how to regulate, process emotions, and feel safe in their world.
Not because something is "wrong," but because developmentally, kids aren’t meant to handle big emotional loads alone.
Why Talking, Advice, or Discipline Often Isn’t Enough
When a child is struggling, most parents begin by using reasonable and well‑intentioned strategies.
Parents often begin by talking things through, explaining expectations, offering reassurance, setting limits, or trying routines, rewards, and consequences. In some situations, these strategies are sufficient.
But when a child’s reactions are intense, repetitive, or hard to control, it’s often because the challenge isn’t happening at the level of words or logic.
Many kids — especially younger children — don’t yet have the ability to understand why they feel overwhelmed, let alone explain it clearly. When emotions run high, the part of the brain responsible for reasoning and language goes offline first.
That’s why you may notice:
Your child can’t explain what they’re feeling in the moment
Talking seems to make things worse, not better
Consequences don’t reduce the behavior over time
Reassurance doesn’t stick
This does not mean that a parent’s approach is incorrect.
It means your child needs support that works at the level emotions are actually showing up — in their body, nervous system, and behavior.
For many kids, change happens through experience, not explanation. They need help feeling safe before they can talk about what’s going on.
When support matches how children actually develop and communicate, they’re more able to build emotional skills and respond differently over time.
What Kind of Support Helps When Kids Can’t Put It Into Words
When children are overwhelmed, traditional talk‑based approaches may be less effective, not due to lack of value, but because they do not always align with how children process emotional experiences.
Children communicate through behavior, play, movement, and relationships long before they can explain what they’re feeling in words. Stress, loss, and pressure live in their bodies first.
That’s why the most effective support for children is often:
Experiential, not lecture‑based
Relational, not corrective
Developmentally matched, rather than adult‑oriented
Support that works with kids — instead of expecting kids to work like adults — helps them:
Express feelings safely without needing the “right” words
Learn how to regulate big emotions through experience
Make sense of transitions and stress at their own pace
Feel understood rather than evaluated
This is where approaches like play‑based therapy can be especially helpful.
Play provides a natural language for working through confusion or overwhelm. It allows a therapist to observe patterns and emotional needs that may not emerge in conversation and to support regulation and resilience over time.
Just as important, effective support for kids doesn’t happen in isolation.
Parents are often included as partners, gaining insight into what their child is communicating and how to support them outside of sessions. This kind of collaborative work is often supported through intentional parent coaching. The goal isn’t to “fix” behavior, but to help the whole system feel more stable, connected, and supported.
When to Consider Seeing a Therapist
You don’t need to wait for things to reach a breaking point to seek help.
It may be time to consider additional support if:
You’re seeing several of the signs listed above, not just one
Your child’s reactions feel intense, persistent, or hard to manage
Behavior is affecting school, relationships, or daily family life
You find yourself constantly adjusting your life to prevent meltdowns
You’ve tried reasonable strategies and still feel stuck
Reaching out doesn’t mean something is wrong with your child — or that you’ve failed as a parent.
It means you’re paying attention.
Early, developmentally appropriate support can help kids build emotional skills before patterns become more entrenched, and it can help parents feel more confident and less alone.
If you’re wondering whether therapy might be helpful for your child, a consultation can be a simple first step. It’s a chance to talk through what you’re seeing, ask questions, and get clarity about what kind of support — if any — makes sense for your family.
You don’t have to be certain to reach out.
You just have to be curious about what might help.
Ready to Talk With a Child Therapist?
I’m Hannah Ly, a licensed child therapist, play therapist, and teen therapist who works with children, teens, and families navigating big emotions, behavioral challenges, and major life transitions.
I specialize in:
Play therapy for children who struggle to put feelings into words
Therapy for teens dealing with stress, anxiety, or emotional shutdown (learn more about my work with teens)
Parent coaching to help caregivers understand behavior and feel more confident responding
If you’re seeing several of these signs and wondering whether therapy could help, I invite you to reach out for a consultation. We can talk through what you’re noticing, answer your questions, and figure out whether working together makes sense for your child and family.
You don’t need a diagnosis or a crisis to get started.
Sometimes the next step is simply talking with a child therapist who understands kids and the parents supporting them.
About the Author - Hannah Ly - Child Therapist in San Jpse
Hannah Ly, LMFT, is a licensed child therapist, play therapist, and teen therapist based in the Bay Area. She works with children and teens experiencing emotional overwhelm, behavioral challenges, anxiety, and difficulty with transitions such as divorce, co‑parenting, and adoption.
Hannah takes a developmentally appropriate, relational approach to therapy, using play‑based methods and parent coaching to help kids feel safe, regulated, and understood — and to help parents feel supported and confident in their role.
She offers child therapy, teen therapy, and parent coaching services for families looking for thoughtful, specialized support.
