How to Limit Your Child’s Screen Time: Tips from a Child Therapist

If you do not have power struggles about screen time in your household, then you probably don’t have children in your home. It’s a reality that most children have access to videos, TV shows, pictures, and games on their own or their parents’ devices.

Children coming into my therapy room at their schools have asked me if they can play video games or watch movies on the computers in my office.

I told them no, and offered a therapeutic repair along with an invitation to explore my cool therapy supplies.

Children are going to have access to screen time, so as parents it’s not so much how to eliminate it but how to manage it in your household and help your child develop healthy habits on how to spend their time.

It’s also about modeling a healthy screen time to family time balance in your household.

Teach your child self-control

To be a successful adult, every child needs to learn how to have self-control. Limiting the time your child spends on devices, game consoles, and computers is necessary, but not enough to teach self-control.

Parents who have strict rules about screen time can limit their children’s usage when they are young but when kids move out or head to college, parents have limited control over the amount of time their children spend gaming or on social media.

Working with your children to help them realize the importance of limiting their screen time is important because it helps them be able to apply self-control when they have more freedom and choices.

Talk with your child about self-control and screen time:

Do your research (talk to your child’s pediatrician, or look at what experts recommend, like the American Academy of Pediatrics’ Family Media Plan) and have in mind what your daily screen time limit is for your child.

Ask your child what amount of time they think is reasonable to spend on devices, game consoles, or the computer.

Negotiate a time limit that works for both of you. Remind your child about the joint decision when you are enforcing the time limits.

Establish the value of quality time

Create a family culture where quality time is valuable. Offer uninterrupted time to each of your children on a regular basis. This time should include activities both of you appreciate and enjoy.

It’s okay if this is screen time (watching a movie, playing a video game). It counts toward their total screen time limit and is used up while spending time together instead of in isolation.

This could also be:

• playing together with your child’s toys
• playing a game outside
• swimming
• going to the park and engaging (not just sitting on the bench on your phone) with them

Dinner time can also be where you spend quality time as a family. Here is a website that provides quality conversation starters to use during family dinner.

Establish boundaries around “media-free” times and zones in your household. I recommend that TV and devices be banned at dinner time. Use this resource to have meaningful conversations with your family at dinnertime instead. Devices, game consoles, and computers should be off at an established time before bedtime.

Research shows the blue-light of device screens can interfere with circadian rhythms and impact our ability to fall asleep. Bedrooms can be a “media-free” zone after a certain time in the evenings to help a child practice good sleep hygiene.

Find activities and games to do as a family

Seeking out fun activities for your child will help them enjoy their non-screen time. Do not assume you know how they would like to spend their time.

Get their input and hear what their idea of a fun time is. Schedule these games and activities for your child during the week.

These could be organized group activities, like a group sport or dance class as well as non-structured activities like playing with neighbors or siblings outside.

Here are some examples of activities and games for children to participate in:

1. Water balloon fight if it’s warm and not drought conditions
2. Ride bikes together
3. Go on a walk and collect nature (flowers, leaves, pinecones, grass) to use in an art project
4. Paint on an easel
5. Watercolor
6. Read a book out loud as a family or listen to an audiobook as a family
7. Do family yoga together (at a fitness center or at home)
8. Go to the beach or other body of water. Build sand castles, play group games on the beach
9. Have a family sleepover in your backyard
10. Go miniature golfing or bowling
11. Find a museum in your area to attend
12. Have a family dance party
13. Play a family board game
14. Plan and cook a meal with your kids
15. Read picture books together on the couch or snuggling in bed
16. Make homemade play dough and create sculptures together
17. Bake homemade treats and deliver them to your neighbors
18. Go on a hike
19. Have a crossword puzzle/sudoku/word search competition
20. Play “Would You Rather” as a family

Set an example of a well-balanced life

Leading from example around healthy media usage is essential for parents and caregivers.

Do you jump on your tablet or computer the moment you get home from work?

Are you checking scores or texts on your phone during family dinner?

Children observe and copy the behavior of adults in their lives.

Teach your children through your own example of engaging with your family during established “media-free” times. Initiate interactive games and activities with your family as an alternative to zoned-out media time when everyone is home.

Set aside moments of quality family time each day. This can be on the ride to or from school, at the dinner table, or before bed.

When screen time is a sign of something more

If your child is displaying these concerning behaviors, it might be appropriate to seek professional help for your child and/or your family:

• Having a need to increase the amount of time playing or viewing games/videos/TV shows to get the same amount of satisfaction.
• Not attending school, withdrawing from friendships or refusing to interact with family members in order to have screen time.
• Being irritable or on edge when not able to play or view their games/TV shows/ videos.
• Using screen time to “escape” from emotions most of the time instead of using coping skills to get through distressing feelings.

If your child is showing these behaviors, it might be appropriate to find a child therapist, family therapy, or parent coaching.

Family counseling and parent coaching could address underlying issues that may be causing this addictive behavior in your child.

Experiencing high conflict or avoidant conflict households, anger outbursts of an adult or other child living in the house, and abuse or neglect could all be contributing to your child using screen time as an escape, or as a way to cope with a home that feels stressful or unsafe.

These options could also help you learn new ways of:

• handling your emotions
• setting limits as parents
• becoming more self-aware of addictive patterns in your own life
• engaging with your child in positive ways

Child therapy could help your child develop coping skills to work through distressing emotions or situations. It could also become an outlet for your child to express concerns and worries they have to a trusted adult.

Child therapy won’t “fix” your child, because your child isn’t the problem.

Children exhibit behaviors as a way to communicate their internal world.

As adults, our job is to listen to what children are going through and give them a home where they can grow. Child therapists can help by listening to what your child is needing in therapy and sharing ideas with you about how to support them at home.

The big picture

Raising kids today means dealing with screen time. Modeling how to limit your own screen time, offering engaging activities to do as a family, and establishing the value of quality time can help teach your child how to view screen time as one of many activities in the day.

The tools media companies provide for parent controls are useful to become familiar with.

Use these resources and share them with friends or family members who might be struggling with limiting their child’s screen time or exposure to content.

Finally, be aware of the warning signs that may indicate your child has a deeper issue that may need to be addressed in family therapy, through taking parenting classes, or with a child therapist.

May you have a heart to listen to what your child is needing, and the strength to keep showing up, even on the days the screens win.

If screen time has turned into the biggest fight in your house, or it looks like your child is using it to get away from something, book a free 15-minute call and we can talk about what’s going on.

Resources for setting time and content limits

• Set a timer in the YouTube Kids app (Google Support Guide)
• Limit and control content on YouTube Kids (Parental Controls and settings)
• Limit content available to kids on Netflix by changing the age limits in settings (Wired Article)
• Manage Parental Controls to limit content on Netflix (Netflix help article)
• Set Fortnite time limits and get playtime reports (Epic Games announcement)
• How to Use Parental Controls on a Smartphone (Consumer Reports article)

About the Author: Hannah Ly, San Jose Child Therapist

Hannah Ly is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT #129711) and the founder and clinical director of Your Therapy Nook, a boutique child and teen therapy practice with offices in San Jose and Redwood City, CA. She is a child therapist, play therapist, and teen therapist, trained in Synergetic Play Therapy and Brainspotting, with a long background in adoption and foster care. Hannah does every family's first call herself, and every therapist on the team practices the way she does. Every family gets child-led play therapy or teen therapy plus parent coaching every four weeks.