Child Therapist Explains: How to Help Children with Anxiety

All children are unique, and for various reasons, some children have a tendency to be more anxious than others. Anxiety comes from different places for kids and can be environmental, genetic, or situational.

Helping your anxious child in situations where they are fearful and creating routines and spaces to reduce anxiety from springing up can benefit your child and your family.

I’m Hannah Ly, a child anxiety therapist in San Jose. Here are four things I suggest to parents of anxious kids.

1. Talk about upcoming situations

Informing your child about upcoming events, such as starting school or a visit to the doctor’s office can help your child feel more prepared and comfortable about the upcoming situation. For younger children, reading books about these events can help normalize feelings and worries for your child.

For older children, allowing them to ask questions and reminding them of their past experiences in these situations can help them remember what it was like to experience these events in the past. Give your child enough time to process the upcoming situation.

2. Ask, don’t assume

It may be easy to conclude that if your child isn’t voicing their worries or fears it means they are doing okay. Sometimes children don’t know how to express their feelings or thoughts or feel they shouldn’t have them.

Asking your child how they feel about different situations in the moment and after the fact can help you gather information on what your child’s internal experiences are and how you can support them in the future.

For younger children, asking them what their feelings “look like” is a way to help them conceptualize an abstract thing like emotions. You can also use a feelings chart with pictures or drawings and ask the child to choose what they are feeling. Using books that talk about feelings can help a child better understand their own.

3. Give your child control over what is worrying them

Let your child be in charge of the tasks or responsibilities they are worrying about. For example, if your child is worried about forgetting their lunch at home and being hungry at school, invite your child to make a plan about where to put their lunch box so they remember to bring it to school.

This helps your child build skills for managing their feelings and helps them feel less powerless in their anxiety.

4. Know when it’s too much to deal with

Knowing when to seek professional help for your anxious child is important, because early intervention is best when treating anxiety. These are examples of when it would be good to seek professional help for your child:

1. If your child starts refusing to attend school or appointments
2. If your child is more tearful or wants to be with you more than before
3. If your child expresses worries about anything (safety, health, school performance) and isn’t able to be reassured or soothed by you

If anxiety is still running the show

These tips can help your child manage their anxiety a little better. If you are needing additional parental support or if anxiety is still difficult to manage, getting additional help from a therapist might help.

Needing help with your child? Book a free 15-minute consultation and we can talk about what is going on.

About the Author: Hannah Ly, San Jose Child Therapist

Hannah Ly is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT #129711) and the founder and clinical director of Your Therapy Nook, a boutique child and teen therapy practice with offices in San Jose and Redwood City, CA. She is a child therapist, play therapist, and teen therapist, trained in Synergetic Play Therapy and Brainspotting, with a long background in adoption and foster care. Hannah does every family's first call herself, and every therapist on the team practices the way she does. Every family gets child-led play therapy or teen therapy plus parent coaching every four weeks.