How Do I Help My Child Deal with Anxiety? Learn from a San Jose Child Therapist

More kids are struggling with anxiety, and here in Silicon Valley the competition can be pretty intense. The push to succeed touches just about everything, from school to sports to the activities that were supposed to be fun.

Between school, friends, and extracurriculars, it's easy for kids to end up carrying a lot of expectations, and that load often shows up as stress and anxiety. So it makes sense that so many parents are looking for ways to help their anxious kids at home.

I'm Hannah Ly, a child therapist and play therapist in San Jose, and a lot of the kids I see are dealing with anxiety. Anxiety looks different in every child, so I always start with what is going on for that particular kid.

In this blog, I'll walk you through the signs to watch for and some things you can do at home, every day, to help.

Some of these ideas are about the feel of your home, and some are simple skills, like mindfulness exercises, that you can practice together. They won't make anxiety disappear. What they can do is give your child more ways to get through hard feelings when they show up.

Signs Your Child Might Have Anxiety

Anxiety in kids can be tricky to spot, because it often looks like a behavior problem or a normal phase. It also shows up differently from one child to the next. Here are some signs to keep an eye out for:

• Avoiding certain places or situations: Your child might suddenly not want to go to school, hang out at social events, or do activities they used to love.
• Complaining about physical pain a lot: This could be recurring headaches, stomachaches, or other unexplained pains that aren't due to any medical issues.
• Trouble with sleep, like nightmares or insomnia: Anxiety can mess with a child's sleep schedule, causing problems with falling or staying asleep, or leading to frequent nightmares.
• Being more irritable or having crying spells: An anxious child might be moodier or cry over small things, struggling to manage their emotions.
• Being overly clingy or needing constant reassurance: Kids dealing with anxiety might stick closer to their parents or caregivers, often seeking comfort and reassurance.

For example, if a child suddenly doesn't want to go to school, they might be anxious about things like academic pressure, fear of failure, or social issues like bullying or making friends.

The earlier you notice these signs, the earlier you can start helping your child with what is underneath them.

Strategies for Parents to Help Their Child with Anxiety

Here are five things you can start doing at home:

1. Create a Warm and Open Home

Your child needs to know they can tell you what they are thinking and feeling without being judged or getting in trouble for it.

Check in with them regularly about their day and how they are feeling: at dinner, in the car, at bedtime. Those small conversations build trust, and trust is what makes it possible for your child to bring you the bigger worries too.

2. Keep a Consistent Routine

A predictable day helps an anxious child feel steady. Try to keep meals, homework, and bedtime at roughly the same times each day.

Uncertainty can make anxiety worse, so the more your child knows what comes next, the more grounded they tend to feel.

3. Encourage Physical Activities and Play

Make room for movement and play most days, whether that is soccer practice or an hour of free play at the park. Moving their bodies helps kids release built-up tension and stress. And play is how children work through their feelings, so unstructured play time counts too.

4. Develop and Teach Coping Skills

Practice a few simple coping skills together, like deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or mindfulness exercises. These give your child something to do with the anxiety when it shows up. And the skills they learn now are skills they get to keep as they grow.

5. Modeling Calmness as a Parent

Kids learn a lot by watching the adults around them, including how we handle our own stress. Let your child see you

• Take a break when you are overwhelmed
• Ask for support when you need it
• Name your feelings out loud (“I’m feeling stressed, so I’m going to take a few deep breaths”)

What you do in those moments teaches more than anything you could tell them.

When to See a Child Therapist

If the anxiety sticks around or starts getting in the way of your child’s daily life, it may be time to get help. Notice any patterns, like trouble sleeping, changes in appetite, or not wanting to go to school, and when they tend to show up.

Getting help early means your child doesn't have to carry the anxiety alone for as long. A child therapist can help your child understand what the worry is about and find ways to manage it, and can help you know how to support them at home.

Play Therapy for Children

Play therapy is a big part of how I work with anxious kids. Play is a child’s first language, and it is often easier for a child to show me what they are afraid of with toys than to explain it in words.

Play therapy can also reach hurts and deeper pains that talk therapy often can't. In the playroom, children get to explore and express feelings that are hard to put into words, and practice handling those feelings in new ways.

See a San Jose Child Therapist for Anxiety: Schedule a Free 15-Minute Consultation

Anxiety is common in children, and it is something kids can learn to manage. A steady home and a few coping skills go a long way, but sometimes they aren't enough on their own, and that is not a failure on your part. If you are in the San Jose area and your child's anxiety is getting bigger instead of smaller, I'm happy to talk it through with you.

We start with a free 15-minute call, where you can tell me what you are seeing and we can figure out together whether therapy makes sense right now. Schedule a free 15-minute consultation.

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About the Author: Hannah Ly, Child Therapist in San Jose

Hannah Ly is a child and play therapist in San Jose who has helped many children and teens with anxiety and big feelings. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) with a master’s degree from Western Seminary, and she also works as a teen therapist. Through play therapy, she helps children show what they can't yet say and build ways to cope. Parents spend way more time with their child than she does, so she also offers parent coaching, to help you know what to do at home between sessions. If you have questions about your child's anxiety or your teen's mood, Hannah is glad to talk with you.