Transitions and new experiences are part of life. Helping your child manage them successfully will create a life skill for them to use for the rest of their lives. Some children experience changes easily, they are able to accept the new experiences and don’t need a lot of support.
Other children are slower to warm up to new experiences or environments, and could benefit from your caring support as they learn how to manage on their own.
It’s also important to check in on how you are feeling as a caregiver in the changing situation. Your expression of emotions and reactions to the unexpected changes or stressors will be internalized by your child.
1. Talk about the changes, more than once
Having multiple conversations about the transition, if it’s a planned one, can be helpful. Explain to your child (when you know they are paying attention) what will be happening, when, and what they can expect. For younger children, use words and phrases for the passage of time that they are familiar with.
“Mommy and daddy will be going away for two nights. This will be after three more school days. While we are gone, Auntie will be here to watch you and play with you. We will teach Auntie how you get ready for bed and what you do to get ready for school in the morning. After two nights sleeping in your bed, mommy and daddy will come back!”
Then, on the day itself, connect it back to what you said:
“Remember when Mommy told you how Auntie was going to watch you and play with you when Mommy and Daddy went away? It was going to be after three more school days, now it’s been three school days so Auntie will be here in a few hours!”
If the change is a family trip, the travel day is its own transition. I made a free airport activity book with games to play together while you wait.
2. Validate their feelings
Identifying and validating your child’s feelings about the changes is important so your child feels seen and heard during the experience. This should be done without judgment and without the need to fix or change your child’s feelings.
Allowing your child to express their feelings, and allowing them space to feel seen and heard will help them know you will support them through the changes.
3. Check in with yourself
For unexpected changes, things outside of your control, or stressful situations, be sure to check-in with yourself often. It’s important to ensure you are taking care of yourself, emotionally and physically, to be able to show up for your child.
Being honest without burdening your child with your feelings can be a way to show your authentic response to the situation, to model how all feelings are okay to feel in different circumstances.
If you find yourself constantly angry, sad, or overwhelmed in front of your child, it’s recommended to seek out support for yourself, to be able to have a safe place to express what you are feeling.
This could be with a trustworthy friend, partner, or family member, or with a mental health professional such as a therapist or psychologist.
Change will always happen
It’s great to be equipped with practical steps to help your child manage changes. Guiding them in structured, calm ways allows them to be able to gain skills to be able to use in the future.
Change will always happen and so it’s important to teach your child how to manage it and to make sure you are prepared to be a supportive caregiver when it does.
If you want help with a change your family is going through, or parenting just feels harder than it should right now, you can get guidance by scheduling a free 15-minute consultation.
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About the Author: Hannah Ly, San Jose Child Therapist
Hannah Ly is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT #129711) and the founder and clinical director of Your Therapy Nook, a boutique child and teen therapy practice with offices in San Jose and Redwood City, CA. She is a child therapist, play therapist, and teen therapist, trained in Synergetic Play Therapy and Brainspotting, with a long background in adoption and foster care. Hannah does every family's first call herself, and every therapist on the team practices the way she does. Every family gets child-led play therapy or teen therapy plus parent coaching every four weeks.
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